If You Have it, Use It
by Val-Creative
Summary: "I'm really in your body." A horrible, sinking realization immersed itself somewhere below her ribcage. /Cracky. A delightfully befuddling combination of ArtemisxWally and DickxWally. Oneshot.


.II.

"…One more time."

Artemis uncurled her index fingers — _his _index fingers; oh crap, this was gonna get confusing quick — and gestured them in a "_Wait a damn minute_" to the other occupant of Mount Justice's hospital wing (a very untroubled teenage girl fixated on how thick her blonde ponytail — _his_ blond ponytail — was between her hands). "This is really happening. Not a perception filter."

"Nope," Robin said, placid and oddly accepting of the fact he now had modestly perky and seventeen-year-old breasts, and tossed his new ponytail behind his shoulder.

"Not a dream," Artemis pressed further for evidence _that she really wasn't just knocked out somewhere _and then cried out, jerking away as the back of her hand was pinched with little delicacy.

"Nope."

He sounded _delighted_ at her outrage. Little sadist.

"I'm really in your body." A horrible, sinking realization immersed itself somewhere below her ribcage. "Really _REALLY_…"

"Yep, and did you have to use the double adverb?"

Artemis squinted at him through Robin's darkly lenses glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose. Sadist _and_ know-it-all.

"So that machine we got strapped to while we were in the rainforest…?"

"Body-switcher," Robin informed her, looking down and starting to poke at her black utility belt around his bare, tanned waist. "For a lack of a better term." He then mused, "A mind-switcher…?"

"Same thing, I think. And, wait, no one knows about this?"

"Just us. Oh, and Batman." Dark gray eyes narrowed in guarded interest as Robin fished out what looked like her 'special' darts from one of the belt's compartments. "He'll put it in the report."

Artemis resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "And how long are we like this?" She dreaded to know the answer.

"At the most… seventy two hours. The least should be twenty four."

He returned the tranquilizers to their arrangement in the compartment before sealing it and she said sarcastically into one of her hands, "I'm glad you're _so_ knowledgeable about body switching."

The creepy '_Ohoho-you-don't-even-know-the-things-I've-seen_' Robin smile looked wrong as it formed on her face.

"Cases aren't as unique as you think. In fact, they can be rather –_ique_."

As Robin got onto his feet, seemingly undecided on which way to lean before he straightened his spine and continued walking for the hospital wing entrance, Artemis asked doubtfully and pushed away her own hospital bed sheets, "What are you doing? I thought the scary lecture we got from Batman meant we were stuck to this place until it fades off."

"…You seriously want to be cooped up in here?"

_Fair point but…_

Within two minutes, Robin found the secret wall panel and disabled the lock-down mode with a sequence of (in her opinion anyway) arbitrary numbers typed into a hidden code-pad. The hospital wing doors slid open until they vanished. He said to himself, cackling, "-He didn't even try-!" and snatched up Artemis's bow and quiver of arrows braced to the nearby wall.

Instead of getting angry at him for touching her gadgets, Artemis smirked, folding her arms over her now flat and fifteen-year-old boy chest superiorly. "You even know how to use it?"

Robin turned in place, moving automatically into shooting stance as he nocked one of her regular combat arrows and raised her bow. The aim centered for a purple and green crayon drawing of the Joker over a hospital cot where Wally had been bedridden for an hour last week (and went on a coloring spree worthy of an impatient three-year-old bedridden for _five _hours instead of one—seeing as all four walls of the hospital wing ended up getting cased with various supervillains after he finished up others of the Justice League and then Flash's rogues). Artemis took a moment to silently regard the long arrow jutting from the poorly drawn clown-psycho a foot or so from her own cot before stating, "You missed the heart by five millimeters."

"I know."

Artemis's skin crawled a little at the fierce grin and the quiet, almost raspy declaration.

She stood up immediately when Robin stepped out adjusting the green cowl over his face, and stumbled back when her senses became woozy. New body. Right. Still working out the steering.

"I've got a reputation to keep!" Artemis called, scowling, into the hallway and he waved to her from the stairwell.

"Gotcha, Arty~" Robin called back, cheerfully, and _damn_ it sounded weird in her voice. "If I got any questions about your behavioral traits, I promise… I'll go right to Red Arrow."

She ground her teeth together, clenching her fists, and counted to ten in her head. (Eight…seven…)

_Little_—

"You know I hate you, right!"

"I know you _don't_!" came his distant, gleeful response from inside the stairwell. (Four…three…)

.II.

_Fine._

Robin wanted to run around in her body and play games… Well, her father was _Sportsmaster_…

And there was something she always wanted to try — if, you know, by coincidence she could magically sprout guy-parts or had been born a guy…

… …Now to scout out the potential candidates to aid her.

.II.

On her way to the lower floor of the cave, Artemis ticked off the list mentally.

Megann?

Definitely no. Even with her ability to grow the necessary appendages… it wouldn't be exactly what the archer wanted.

Conner?

_Mmm~_… extremely hot… but Artemis was betting that his interest in first-hand sex education was about as likely as Black Canary sucking at hand-to-hand combat.

Kaldur?

He was mature and good-looking and intelligent, but preferably she would have liked to seduce him as _herself _and not the flexy twerp of their team.

_Or…_

Right outside the kitchen, Wally sat behind the lacquered, semi-circular tabletop of the dining table, resting his palm over his freckled cheek as he stared hard into the open textbook. His first two fingers idly swirled into a clear glass of water to his right. Artemis stopped in the doorway. "Hey…" she paused a second, searching for lingo Robin would use, "…KF."

"Hey, Robs." His green eyes flicked up towards her approaching before returning back to the textbook. Wally added, seeming to give 'his best friend' full attention despite looking away, "So what were you and _Miss Congeniality_ shut in the wing for? Jungle fever?" Artemis squashed the fleeting thought of yanking up the collar of his red shirt and thrusting it over his head to suffocate him.

"Batman thought we were exposed to something in Dr. Samuel Register's area of the facility." _Play it natural_. Artemis relaxed her expression, slipping into her role. "You worried about me?"

Wally made an incredulous noise with closed lips.

"Yeah right, dude." He glanced over at his glass of water, taking a red grape from the table and dropping it in with a muted splash. Artemis tilted Robin's head in a mocking smiling interest as Wally created a miniature vortex with water and air, swirling his fingers and floating the grape in the center of the vortex.

"Ah, huh," she replied. "What if it had been really terrible _like_ malaria?"

"You would have survived." Despite her smiling, Wally did not echo the sentiment.

"Why do you say that?"

Green eyes focused right on Robin's sunglasses. Warming with confidence. "Because you don't give up, dude."

Artemis bit back some triumphant laughter itching to be released. "It's true. I don't." She made it obvious she was checking him out over the rims of the glasses and how she positioned herself a little over the tabletop. (_Niiiice_ body, by the way. Kid Flesh was annoying as hell but this could be fun.) "Especially when it's something I've been wanting for a while… Get what I mean?"

Wally's cheeks started to redden. Oh my god. He had such a hard-on for Robin it wasn't even funny and it almost kinda took away the fun of giving him shit about this. But still… this was _hilarious_.

"Ha ha, very funny, man."

Artemis flipped his textbook shut, pressing, spreading Robin's hand over the back cover lingeringly.

"I'm sorry… did you think I was kidding, Wals?" She raised a deliberate eyebrow.

The nickname (or maybe it was the full-blown awareness of the impending situation) triggered further blushing and Wally's chair screeched across the floor as he stood up.

"Um…" Wally dragged his palms against his blue jeans. Sweaty palms. Getting nervous. "…"

She didn't try to cut him off around the other side of the table. "It's okay." Artemis let Robin's voice soften somewhat, "I…_know_."

Wally's hands stopped frantically blurring at the dragging, resting on his thighs. A grimace.

"And you're not…?"

"Let's just get some things out into the open." Artemis took her chance to move in front of him. _Reassure him_. A comforting grin. "You drive me crazy, and honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. Second…" A small, playful tug on the exposed hem of his yellow undershirt to his red tee shirt. "I've got a raging boner, and getting painful now that I'm thinking about it," she explained carefully, hooking Robin's fingers to the belt loop of Wally's jeans (gay porn collection was _definitely_ coming in handy tonight), "and I'm betting you'll look good when I get you out of those clothes."

An inarticulate, feeble groan rose from Wally's throat.

_Perfect_.

.II.

Around six in the morning, her arms and the rest of her body sore as hell—_with god knows what Robin had been doing with it_—, Artemis woke up in complete uniform and flung over a sofa in the gaming room. Her guess was Robin came around the same discovery: Each room had its own retina scan. Unhackable — though she wouldn't doubt him to leap _that_ technological obstacle soon.

Artemis shoved a hand through her undone, mess of hair and whined when she pulled out two or three twigs…and…was that…_Christmas garland_ twisted in her hair? What the _hell_?

The door from the corridor slid open.

Robin — still dressed in a slim-fitting, navy tank top and boxers she left him before crashing — stormed inside the room.

"Why does my back hurt? What did you _do_, fall off a building-!-?"

"Well, _you_ managed to chip off several of my nails." Artemis gave him an ugly glare before staring back down at the damage and muttering, "Thanks."

"At least it doesn't feel like you got your body tossed around like Bane's punching bag," he retorted, rubbing at his face. Robin stopped before his hand could lower. "…Why do my fingers smell like strawberry kiwi and…" The archer smirked when he cautiously sniffed it and then made a face (—screw it, she wasn't sorry, the flavored lubricant had been a _fantastic_ idea at the time).

Robin's eyebrows scrunched into a single, furrowing line.

"…do I even want to know?"

A solid rapping of knuckles on the wall behind him.

"There you two are," Wally intervened, combing away his sleep-mussed hair from his temples with a knowing look. "Should I come back later or are you done arguing about last night?"

With a similar perceptive look, Robin asked him, "When did you figure it out…?"

"It took me a little bit." Wally joined them on the ground floor away from the leveled staircase-entrance. His exposed and freckle-dotted shoulders shrugged upwards. "But I've known you for _how _many years?" He said, untangling his fingers from his hair and giving Robin a put-out glance as if it was all his doing, "Plus you weren't cuddling. You _always_ cuddle."

Robin patted the back of Wally's hand with quasi-concern, and snickered up at Artemis.

"Smooth, Arty."

She waved a hand inattentively. "I still got away with it." Artemis gyrated her hips as she climbed up the railed staircase, pinning her eyes on Wally challengingly. "Admit it, I _rocked_ your world."

Wally nodded after a moment, his eyes never leaving the other boy. "She kinda did." He grasped the back of Robin's neck faintly, muttering, "But I like you, dude," and tilting his head sideways to plant his lips firmly over Robin's forming a little, crooked _o_. Robin's arms lifted, Artemis thought possibly to push him away, but instead wound to Wally's bare waist, snuggling him closer.

Oh, okay. Lovebirds were busy.

That was cool.

Artemis coughed, amused, and turned for the corridor. Gay sex had been _alright_ — not the greatest thing since sliced bread in any case, maybe with more practice — pfft, whatever, she had missed her girl-parts too. Wondering if she was truly thwarted by everything, she passed Kaldur in the hanger who smiled pleasantly in her direction. Her dark gray eyes scanned him with solemn, piqued interest when their shoulders brushed each other. Nope. Artemis had a feeling that she wasn't going to miss gay sex _at all._

.II.

* * *

><p><em>YJ isn't mine. This story has more feel of a cracked out future-verse AU than something all together canon but it was still fun to make. I feel awful cause I should have finished this prompt AAAAAGES ago. BUTBUTBUT I got done in time for someone's birthday and giving the dedication to my darling, brain-sharing, LOVABLY AMAZING <strong>itwallie<strong> in hopes she enjoys it and giggles like a fiend. C:  
><em>

_Justice_Kink meme prompt: _

_"/I've always wanted to have gay sex!/"_

_Somehow Robin and Artemis switch bodies (idk, Klarion?)_  
><em>Robin is like, "OMG I'm tall now! brb, gonna go play around "<em>  
><em>And Artemis, being the perv we all know she is- her first reaction is, "holy crap, I have always wanted to have gay sex."<em>

_Artemis knows that KF has a thing for Robin and she takes advantage of that because even though she and Kid don't exactly get along, she'll admit that he still has a nice body. Whether KF is aware they switched bodies is up to you._

_Bonus if when they get their bodies back Robin is all, "JEEZ WHY DOES MY BACK HURT WHAT DID YOU FALL OFF A BUILDING?"_


End file.
